Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
