My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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