Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
