I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
