AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
