I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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