someone threw a dead crab at me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
