Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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