So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
