she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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