I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dick very happy bro
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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