I'm so fucking centered right now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
