at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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