you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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