It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
