two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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