I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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