I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
