the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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