Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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