So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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