Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think my moral compass just broke
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
