the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
