You smell like a Billy Joel song
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
