I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
