So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
