Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
