we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
