Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
nutella sex= disaster
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
