My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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