Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
