in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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