You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
