Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
