420 ftw
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
