All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
