Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
