There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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