he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
