I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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