Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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