Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She announced her abortion via fbk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
