Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
