One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
