if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
