I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
