Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
