We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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