I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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