My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize