I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
