are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
how does that bad decision feel?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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