I hate all girls vehemently.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
