Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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