man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
