I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
