FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
