I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
