woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize