matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Less talking, more tequila
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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