the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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