I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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