They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
