Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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