Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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