yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
