I look better un-naked...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
