just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want her autograph on my taint
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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