He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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