you didnt know i had herpes?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
