No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
