Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
