we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
