I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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