So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
