We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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