I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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