Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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