So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
