Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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