I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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